Feb/1011
I’m a judger
I’m a judger.
I’ve known it for a long time. I’ve even said it out loud. I’ve been perversely proud of it. And once the discomfort of typing that sentence (for the whole world to see) disappears, I probably will be again. In fact, I enjoy judging people, places and things, especially people. I’ve even made a game of it. It goes like this: You pick two categories: eater or foodie, deep or complex, journey or destination, judger or learner…the list goes on and on. And then, with little or no basis in fact, you decide which label is most appropriate for the object of your pleasure (or disdain). You don’t even have to know the people to involve them. You can pick celebrities, co-workers, friends, or enemies. It’s endless hours of superficial and pious fun.
The whole game started years ago when a friend of mine, as a joke, said you can divide everyone into people you would or would not pay to see have sex. We all had a good laugh and I’m sure most everyone else went on about their lives. I, on the other hand, tend to take things to the extremes. Why stop there? Why not expand the criteria, make up my own rules. OK, I know, I’m a little warped. But the committee that lives in my head says that life is easier and more predictable if I categorize and label things, including people. Then, I know what to expect from them, can’t get hurt, and I can create the illusion of control. What more could you want from life?
I’m sure by now you are wondering what this has to do with recovery, not to mention yoga.
One of the greatest gifts that recovery has provided me is a heightened awareness of my own life. Of course, this can also be a big pain in the ass-ana. It causes me to ask questions like “How does this serve me?” “Am I living in recovery, right now, in today?” or my personal favorite, “Do I want to be right or do I want to be happy?” For the record, I want to be right and happy, but it seldom works that way for me.
Yoga has increased my awareness, too. First, it was simply physical. I never knew I had a muscle there, much less one that could quiver like that just by standing still. But through continued practice and meditation, it is growing deeper and more inward. In the beginning, yoga taught me to observe my body. Now, it’s helping me observe my mind and spirit.
The bottom line is this: In both recovery and yoga, it all comes back to being open. When I open myself to the possibilities that recovery offers, my life is full and my heart content. When I open myself to my practice, it enhances every part of my being and my recovery. So, the real question is: in the moment I’m in, right now…today, will I be a judger or a learner? It should be a black and white choice, right? Maybe for today, this moment, I’ll just be open…
I encourage you to try an online yoga class on YogaVibes.com and even to check out the Recovery Vibe section of YogaVibes, where you can find yoga classes and other short videos and resources that may help you in your path of recovery.
~ Matt, a YogaVibes Ambassador
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2:18 pm on February 27th, 2010
Matt, great post. I hate to admit it but I’m a judger too – I’m fascinated by new people, places and experiences but I’m uncomfortable until they’re defined, in my mind – so I hurry the process to “categorize” or assign a familiar label rather than remaining open to learning – maybe it’s human nature? Or the Virgo in me. I’m a details girl and I need to organize things.
Great thoughts to keep in mind. Thanks ….
3:33 pm on March 1st, 2010
D. Chopra in his secrets of success and makes a pretty important point about judging. He says judging / categorizing is one of the ways we avoid staying in the present. We get totally lost in contrasting and comparing and loss track of where we are right now. That is sort of what you are saying. It’s the one day/moment at a time business. The only way recovery is possible, they say.
3:40 pm on March 1st, 2010
Matt,
How true your words are. So easy to categorize people, or judge them, in order to control the situation. Your honesty is startling- and makes me want to think about how I view others. Control is the key word for me.
3:54 pm on March 1st, 2010
I appreciate this! It takes conscious effort to be open and to not judge others. In some cases, it almost feels second-nature to label people. When I am unapproving of you, mostly it is an ego-feeding proposition. When I am approving of you, it is usually associated with a self-pity moment. Whatever the case, I am either “better,” or “not good enough.” The balance for me is when I can accept life on life’s terms, and to realize that I don’t know it all!
3:56 pm on March 1st, 2010
Matt, I love your blogs! Thanks for making me think MORE!
Best!
4:47 pm on March 1st, 2010
Dear Matt
Excellent article and “yes” I am a judger as well. As a person also in recovery and dipping a bit into Buddhism
I see my judging others as my “suffering” and my “attachment.”
In my life, I want people, places, and things to go “my way” – so much so that I “crave it” and of course craving what I can’t have or achieve is my “suffering.”
That is where my practice of mediation (and some day yoga!) is important to keep me grounded. When I sit and just be in the moment, there is no judgment, no hate, no “poor me,” I just am. Then, I can look at my source of suffering and realize that it is me and only me that creates it in the first place.
That being said, there are days when you just can’t be the Buddha – I get mad! I get angry! God Damn it, why me??? Then I see pictures of Haiti on CNN, or I treat a homeless person at the hospital, or someone close to me has a stroke… why them?
But perhaps we need these times to realize that we are just human beings trying to get along with other human beings, imperfectly.
Recovery, mediation, and yoga teaches us to be better people but not with a pat on the back or recognition, no it is quiet and gentle, and gives us that serenity that allows us to say “thank you” to our Higher Power at the end of day.
Peace and blessings,
Stephen
12:56 am on March 2nd, 2010
Nearly impossible to go five minutes without judging something. Tried it once and got depressed. Thank God for Jung!
6:47 pm on March 2nd, 2010
Great article, I am a judger too. I am enjoying all your articles.
9:43 pm on March 2nd, 2010
Great article Matt! If only everyone in the world practiced yoga….
8:47 pm on March 3rd, 2010
Matt, you always cut to the chase, and you never are less than absolutely honest.
You don’t need encouragement from me, but don’t stop laying it on the line.
Bob
9:40 pm on April 2nd, 2010
Matt I really enjoyed reading this. I have been dealing with “issues” in my life for the past 1.5 yrs and it is so much like addiction. I talk a lot about it on my own blog and many of my followers are recovering addicts/alcoholics.
The was I react, resist, try to control, suffer, etc… is very similar to substance abuse. It is addiction or codependence and learning more about this subject has given me a lot of insight…and a feeling of being understood.
I look forward to reading more.