I’m 5’3” on a good hair day. When I began practicing yoga over seven years ago, I weighed about 200 pounds and was a size 20. I had just had two children in less than 18 months and was just looking for a gentle way to reclaim my body. Truth be told, I was really looking for some personal quiet time. I had no idea what yoga was. I had never even heard of it.

Yoga came to me by accident: a 20-minute demo class at my monthly Women’s Guild meeting at my church. At first, I refused to get on the floor, but was humiliated by the room full of mostly 70-somethings telling me to get down with them. I followed their lead, got down on the floor and was changed forever. I decided to take the plunge and try an eight-week session at a studio.

I can still recall vividly the terror I felt going to that first class. In fact, I was so scared that a few days before I actually did a dry run to the studio. And then the night of my first class came. I was uncomfortable in my clothes; not sure if I was wearing the “right” things. I was pretty sure that my ugly sweatpants were definitely not the “right” thing. I was petrified about being completely out of place. Do I go early or sneak in late? Where should I sit in class? Would people stare at me? Would I embarrass myself? What if I couldn’t keep up? Would I be brave enough to come back again? And the deafening thoughts went on.

One of the first things that struck me when I got to the studio was that the teacher seemed oblivious to my size. I don’t think she even picked up on my nervousness.  I don’t remember too much else about the specifics of that class or the rest of that first eight-week session. What I remember most is the sensations I started to feel in my body and distinct thoughts that started to arise.

I remember a posture that my instructor loved to have us do almost every class: standing half moon. During one of those first classes standing in that asana tears started to roll down my face. I was overcome with sensation. It was not pain. It was sensation. The fact that I had tears rolling down my face was so startling to me. I knew something was happening to me, but I wasn’t sure what.

But at some point not far after that crying half moon, something miraculous happened. I began to submit. I started to surrender to those sensations. And although I may not have always loved the actual sensation I was experiencing, I learned to love the feeling of being alive in my body; my full body.

After the first eight weeks, I still wasn’t sure what yoga was or why I was even going, but it was the dead of winter and I still wasn’t even close to any goals I had for my post-baby body. I convinced myself to hang in for another eight weeks. I figured if I could get through winter, maybe I’d see some differences in the mirror.

Here’s what I didn’t count on. The differences weren’t only in the mirror: I felt stronger; I had less pain in my body; I was building endurance. And I was actually becoming comfortable in my body. I was excited to go to class. The terror was gone. I was feeling great for about three days after class.

By this point I was addicted. Yoga was now part of my lifestyle. I became hungry for more knowledge of anything yoga. And I continued practicing. The lessons kept coming. I kept feeding my hunger for more yoga and about a year and half after that first class I received my calling to become a teacher.

Now that I am a full-time yoga teacher, this life experience has become my greatest teaching tool. I know what it feels like to be in a larger body that isn’t always accepted in our culture. I know what it feels like to try and hide that body behind clothes and a big smile. And one of the side effects for me in a larger body was to be in my head so much that I couldn’t feel my body. I began to feel alive only when I started to feel sensations and energy moving in my body. This is one of the true lessons of yoga. It has nothing to do with contorting yourself like a pretzel or sporting the newest yoga gear to class. It is about feeling alive in the body you were given and loving that body with all of its’ perceived faults.

If you are a newbie to yoga and you live in a fuller body, take a lesson from my experience. A good instructor will welcome you with open arms. The other students are not going to care. Find a beginner’s class and do a dry run for yourself. Check out the lay of the studio. Interview the instructor. Ask questions. It’s quite possible the instructor will not fully understand your plight, but a good teacher will understand yoga. And they will help you to find your comfort level. You may not be able to do every posture at first, but you can modify for your body. Don’t be surprised if you have emotional releases. All humans hold old emotion in their bodies. If you have lived hiding your body behind your persona, all of that baggage will start to drop once you start moving your body.

If the thought of going to a class is too much for you, try an online class. YogaVibes has many classes to choose from. You can learn about specific postures from the site’s free instructional videos. You can preview the full-length classes for free before purchase  to get an idea of the pace and style. Start where you are.

And remember, whether in a class or at home, your full-bodied postures will probably not look like the cover of a yoga magazine, but they will be your postures. And they will look beautiful on you.

You can join me and my full body in my Beginner’s Moderate Kripalu Flow class on YogaVibes' Beginner Vibe.

-Guest Blogger Kristina Berano, YogaVibes partner and owner of Star Soleil in Torrington, Conn.

 I have been thinking about what I wanted to write about, and how to go about it, when I received some terrible news.  A friend of mine, Dana, was diagnosed with breast cancer a second time. 

It was about two and a half years ago, when she was almost nine months pregnant that she was diagnosed the first time.  She gave birth and then a couple of days later went in for surgery and started chemo.  Never have I witnessed a stronger, more resilient, more positive person.

So it was with much excitement when she went in over a year later and was cancer free.  She kicked cancer’s ass, as she liked to say.  We even jumped out of a plane at 18,000 feet, to celebrate in August of 2008. 

But yes, it has returned and thissurgery was definitely more invasive.  But again, her attitude astounds me.  She sends out mass emails to update every one, and it is this attitude that is going to get her through this once again.

We all can learn a huge lesson from Dana.  While the rest of us are complaining about being fat, or being too tired to exercise, or whatever ailment or excuse is plaguing the mind currently, I know I need to take a lesson from her.  I do not have cancer, I have not undergone a drastic surgery, and yet how many times, and how many things do I complain about on a daily basis?

In my quest to be better, I have come to understand that every day is a gift.  I need to try and make the most of it and be positive.  I need to send out love and good energy.  And I need to realize that being healthy is not something to take for granted.  So even if I am tired, or sore, the reality is that I can’t even begin to understand what being tired really is: like when doctors are putting chemicals in your body to kill all the bad cells, along with the good cells.

So no more excuses. Whether it’s doing yoga at a studio or taking a class online at YogaVibes, such as breast cancer survivor Katheryn Harlan's class geared toward survivors which will be up on Recovery Vibe next week. Or you can hit the gym or go for a walk. But just get out there and do it and take the time to appreciate it.  -YogaVibes Ambassador Laura K.

Being that one of my resolutions is to learn to love the skin I am in; I was beyond shocked when I saw the cover of the new People Magazine featuring Heidi Montag 2.0.  She landed the cover, and while I guess that is something she desires, the reason for it makes me sad, confused, and a little upset.  Why any 23 year old, beautiful woman feels the need to undergo 10 surgeries in one day, well…it confounds me.  Also the fact that her decision to do this is pretty much universally accepted, I have yet to read of any backlash, is of grave concern to me as well.  Our society seems more astonished and appalled at where Tiger’s been putting his clubs, than the fact that this girl mutilated her entire body in the name of beauty. What if the surgeries left her scarred…would we be so accepting??  I need to comment on this, and  I will try to do so in a non-judgmental fashion…however please forgive me, because it is hard for me not to judge (also something I am working on to become a better person-however I have a long way to go in that department)

I guess what bothers me most is the fact that not only young girls, but women of any age look at this behavior and think – wow, if she needed all that surgery, and she was already pretty, what does that say about me.  The other message she sends, is that she feels like she needed the surgery so she could be the best she could be…except, placing so much emphasis on being the best you can be based on your outside features just sets one up for so much failure in the future.  She mentions in the article that she is already planning additional surgeries, as it is almost never-ending.  She cannot wait to go larger on top, if you will, than her current DDD size.  Her body could not accommodate anything larger than the DDD now – well shouldn’t that be a clue that maybe bigger is not better??

I am not going to lie, and say I have never felt the pressure to be skinnier, prettier, more top heavy.  I live in Los Angeles, and beautiful women are everywhere here.  It is a challenge not to compare yourself to actresses and models, especially when you see them in your everyday life.  The reason I embarked on my journey to be comfortable with who I am, is because I don’t want to end up so focused on the outside that I can never be happy.  It becomes an obsession, and it doesn’t matter if you live in Omaha, or Beverly Hills, the idea of perfection is everywhere.  This interview and making her story of such importance just downplays the issue here.  In my opinion, this is someone who needs serious help.  The doctor says she does not suffer from bad body image…but when you change the outside, but you do not change the inside, you are still going to feel the same.  She may be happy now, but for how long?  She is already looking forward to more surgery. 

She says she is obsessed, yet the magazine does not portray it negatively at all.   So where does the responsibility lie?  Who is to blame here?  Can we really blame anyone?  I guess the real question is how do we change this?  I feel like we are on our way to a world obsessed with unattainable perfection.  And for some, they already live in that world.  So how do we not get caught up?  Therein lays the magic question.  And I wish I had a magic answer, but I don’t.  I do however have some ideas on how we can try, and I think it comes down to doing the things that make you feel good.  Eating right, exercising, and taking time for ourselves.  I think meditation is key to accepting yourself.  And for those of us new to yoga, and meditation, we can’t expect things to change immediately.  It is a process, but going to the gym, or doing something as simple as turning on your computer and taking a class at www.YogaVibes.com is a step in the right direction.  Enlightenment comes from within, not from outside.  I think it is much harder for us in our Western culture to attain enlightenment with all the distractions thrown our way.  But it does not mean we cannot or should not try.  It is scary to accept oneself as we are, faults and all – but what freedom, and what love could you offer the world if you truly love and accept yourself. 

By Laura K., YogaVibes Ambassador

As we begin another year, actually another decade, the all important question of resolutions has once again arisen. Now I know we are already almost half way through the month - my how time flies...but we are still at the beginning. For me I am starting a new journey, and I cannot be more excited, as I am on a personal path to self discovery. This means many things to me: eating better, taking care of my physical body, as well as my mental body, and most importantly - learning to accept and love myself and those around me, no matter what the circumstances. This is no easy feat for someone like me, who is a borderline neurotic, sometimes selfish, body-obsessed, nothing-is-good-enough type A personality. This is exactly why I need yoga in my life.

There are many of us who are always on the go. Whether it's work, play, working out, or traveling...the point is we do not take time for ourselves. There is always some excuse we make for ourselves: no time, no energy, nowhere to practice yoga, it's raining - you name it...there is an excuse for not taking care of ourselves. This is why I am so excited about YogaVibes.com. It really removes the excuses, at least for me. I am new to yoga, and sometimes going to a studio can be a bit intimidating, especially when I am surrounded by graceful, flexible bodies. Now, just for the record, I am not out of shape, but I am carrying a little extra weight around; one of my goals is to drop those 10 extra pounds. At any rate, graceful is not an adjective I would use to describe myself. Powerful, strong, energetic, sure...but graceful - NOPE!!

To have a venue where I can stream a class, roll out my mat, and practice for an hour, on my time, and at my pace is integral to my success at keeping my resolutions. I also travel quite frequently, which puts a strain on maintaining my yoga practice, let alone improving it. I am hoping through this blog, and through YogaVibes.com, I will be one step closer to becoming more self-aware. I hope to grow through yoga, and through this community. It is a challenge to put my ego aside, and try something new - maybe fall on my face attempting crow pose - but how else will I learn? And what better time of year to start on this exciting journey, than at the beginning of a new decade?! I don't know how this will go, or if I even have anything to offer, but I am going to try. Oh, maybe I should introduce myself...my name is Laura K., and I invite all of you to embark on your own journey as well! Join me at the Beginner Vibe section of YogaVibes.com.